12 Year Old Teacher - 17 Year Old Student

 

And so it began...

(February 7th, 2000 4:24am in High River, Alberta)

...an introduction to the ongoing lessons of Parenting 101

Today we celebrated the 12th Birthday of my son Colton. 

It started early, 6:30 am to be exact. 

I have created a tradition of placing birthday gifts on the kitchen table the night before. It always seems to create some extra excitement to an already exciting day. It also works as an early alarm clock with no snooze button. Before bed I let the kids know they have to wait until I'm up to open their gifts...I can't miss out on the fun. Plus I'm a little camera happy. 

 

Colton scored some pretty sweet items this year. Cash/gift cards (always a best seller), clothes, basketball shoes, duct tape (for his wallet creations..and now his slipper making talent) and a really cool national geographic telescope that he was excited to try out tonight. He put it together without delay immediately after opening (Thank You Nan & Mog). The bonus, tonight the moon is full.

I spent some time in the later part of my morning going through Colton's baby book and pictures with Madison while Jordyn napped. His pictures are so adorable. His cheeks, his eyes, his chubby yet solid body. Handsome is what I saw...Love is what I felt.

I was a young Mom...17 to be exact. As unprepared as any new parent for the emotional whirlwind I had entered yet I was in love with the new little man we had created. First time parents don't get a manual on how to raise their child so lucky for us we had support coming in at all angles. Advice also came from all angles...mostly from Colton's protective Grandma Karen.
I say that with the utmost love!
We lived with her when he was born so it was easy for her to extend her reach when we needed it.
Thank you for that Grandma.

Over the past 12 years Colton has been through a lot...his dad and I married and divorced. His dad is now remarried and has given Colton 3 brothers to keep up with and love. I also remarried and Colton now has 2 sisters to protect and love. He is such a gentle soul...he loves ALL his siblings dearly. He shows that daily with all the simple things he does with/for them, including but not limited to dressing up and having his hair done.
I know I don't speak just for myself when I say how 

VERY PROUD I AM OF HIM

...how proud I am to be his Mom...to get to share and enjoy life with him. Through laughs and silliness...sports and homework...tears and accomplishments. The list goes on...

Thank you Colton for teaching me

unconditional love

& patience

Thank you for being resilient when I have not shown patience

Thank you for showing me what

pure joy & happiness

really look like

Thank you Colton for letting me

giggle with you through fun times 

& 

hug away your tears in tough times

Thank you Colton, for you I feel

grateful & blessed

Thank you for being

THE BEST BROTHER EVER

Thank you Colton for being my teacher

for without you I would not have the knowledge I do today

nor would I have this opportunity to continue learning

Thank you Colton for being who you are all the time...

...we love you more than you know.

Happy 12th Birthday

COLTON



 

Love today, tomorrow & always,

Mom

Small Town - Love vs Unlove

Last Thursday I hopped on the C-train at Anderson and rode it down to the 4th street stop downtown. It wasn't until Thursday that I felt I had become 'uncitified'. I guess for me living in a small town has somewhat sheltered me. I don't see homeless people daily, let alone anyone asking for money outside the grocery store. I don't see babies and/or small children under dressed for the cold weather. Or mothers who look uncomfortably cold while pushing a stroller because she too is under dressed. The realistic picture painted before me on Thursday made me feel nauseated. Sad. Uncomfortable and guilty. I was warm. I was dressed appropriately for the cold. I was sipping a Starbucks coffee while checking messages on my iPhone. I was a silent observer in the crowd. Sadly enough, I was looking forward to coming back to our small town. Back to my shelter and away from that reality. The baby and mother that I saw waiting by the train downtown haunts me. I can't seem to let it go and it really does make me sad. Not sure what I'll do about it yet...feeling guilty that I maybe should have done something then.

On another note I need to vent a bit.

Living in a small town has made me really appreciate the friends I have and the support I can fall on when/if in need. Even though living in a small town has come with its definite advantages and perks it does come with a range of negativity. Over the past week my ears have been witness to a few 'semi-discreet' opinions and statements that make me really frustrated inside. First off because it involves those I value, respect and trust. Second, it is really no ones business to discuss especially when they don't know the other person involved AT ALL (other than the version of which they've been given). It really makes me take a glance around and question:
Who I can trust? I mean really really trust!!!
Who I can call a 'true' friend?
Who do I respect? Who respects me?
Because all that can change in a conversation or a simple statement made in less than 30 seconds. Now I know I'm not perfect. I can't say I have never ever been a part of gossip but within the last year or so I feel like I have developed an awareness that maybe I didn't have before. An awareness I may have ignored that has now become so bright I can't not notice. And the last week has showed me that opinions are out there...they are circulating...they are constant. When you hear them you have to make a split second choice to either go with it...or STAND UP for what you know is right for you. I made my choice...maybe not aloud but I made a choice. I see myself as a GOOD FRIEND and as a result I have GOOD FRIENDS. I know who they are...and they know who I am. That is what matters...
In a small town you need good friends because lets be honest, the sh*t that flies around...
...in rumors...
...in opinions...

Is exactly that (sh*t)!

That's all I got.

A Cup of Tea

Tea Time

QUIET 

Tea Time

Today time is passing so slowly.

Haven't got much done today. Managed to drink my way through a pot of coffee...dumping half cups a couple times because the coffee just didn't make it into my empty belly quick enough. Funny that it seems to occur regularly its nothing out the ordinary. I did get a couple loads of laundry washed and dried (not folded). My Acadia received an interior cleaning with a quick vacuum and a little windexing. I also brought in a few things from the fifth wheel that never made it in during the fall clean out. 

Then I sat down. Both the girls were napping in sync and Colton was busy playing on facebook (just until I kicked him off the computer to briefly write about my day)... sorry dude!

It was a little odd sitting on the couch in the living room. It was nice being able to sit in the sunshine. Nothing moving around me besides my own body taking breaths or the slight movement it required for me to drink my tea. I could hear the wind roaring outside. I could see the trees swaying through the patio doors. Hear the fridge making the weirdest noise (I secretly hope that one day it stops making noise so I can get a new one). So simple. So quiet. So ... unusual. Its at times like these that my thoughts go in so many directions. I think of happy things, past memories, future possibilities, family, friends... when the girls are going to wake up? If I will get through my cup of tea? 

I successfully drank the whole cup.

Now Maddy's awake...

...until next time!

What Am I To You

Making dinner is not often an easy task but when you succumb to your children's need to snuggle on the kitchen floor it takes making dinner to a whole' nother level. As dinner was cooking I had Norah Jones playing softly in the background. During this time I snuggled Maddy on the floor while Jordyn made not so gentle attempts at brushing my hair with, might I add, a very hard plastic brush. Then the girls switched off...Jordyn to my lap and Maddy brushing my hair. Madison has high hopes that I will grow my hair like Rapunzel's. It's gonna take me a while especially at the rate my hair grows. SLOW!!! As Jordyn pulled away from a quick half hug she stared right into my eyes. At that exact moment Norah Jones sang "what am I to you".

Do you ever wonder what you are to your children?

Leaves my thoughts tangled...kinda like my hair at that point. Although Maddy did say my hair smelt pretty so at least I have that going for me.

The Fire Pit

A "fire pit"...
...usually starts off as an empty hole in the middle of some sort of metal, stones or bricks.

To begin preparing for your fire you will need to add a few twigs, then some larger pieces of wood.

You will require a flame. Typically this will come from a match or a lighter. Even from a torch perhaps?

Sometimes you even have to crumple up a bit of newspaper or anything that will catch fire just to get it started.
IF you want it to start that is!

An 'emotional fire pit' however is much different. It can be started with 2 people and only 1 topic. Much more basic than newspaper, twigs and larger pieces of wood.

However...you do not need fire to light it. All you require is anger, hurt and most often, loud words. Those words can be heard verbally or read in the simplicity of a single email or text. AND depending on the way it is stated can distinguish the severity of that particular fire.

Today there I was. Caught in an emotional fire pit. Strangest part is, I was sitting directly in the suns path on the other side of a window. I was already warm. I didn't need the light from the fire to see. But yet...there I was, dealing with it. If I could have written about it as it was happening I'm sure this blog would contain a very large variety of words. BUT I have had time to reflect. I have had time to evaluate. Time to really ask myself if its worth it to carry a hot coal around with me all day long.


I REFUSE to do that...

Instead I have taken action. Just as I have before. To change what I can from my end as I can control nothing but my own doing.

Its hard when you want to be in control. Its frustrating. It can make people (even myself) cold to others. It hurts. It wears on your being. On our ability to stay calm. To focus. It can create opinions. Resentment. BUT of all things 'being at a loss of control' can bring change. Maybe not in others but most definitely in ourselves. It can help us get creative in thinking of new ways of putting the fire(s) out. Possibly stop them from reoccurring.

Today that was my lesson.

Single Thought Invasion

4:48am...a quick glance at the clock. I roll over...
One thought comes to mind.

Jordyn, GO BACK TO SLEEP.

But honestly after a 7:00pm bedtime last night I know my chances are slim. Maybe I shouldn't complain? So before she roars the rest of the house awake I swing myself out of bed and go across the hall to her room. I scoop her up from her crib and out to the living room we go.

We completely skipped a 'proper' breakfast this morning. I mean honestly, fully functioning at 5:00am is just not happening for me today. So we settle for a simple banana while watching Max & Ruby on treehouse all wrapped up warm in a blanket. Jordyn has no complaints...I'm still thinking, GO BACK TO SLEEP.

When she went to bed last night I put a pair of mismatch socks on her feet. They are fuzzy and warm. She hasn't made an attempt to rip them off yet so they must be keeping her toes toasty.

After eating only half her banana she guzzled down most of her bottle...5 out of 7 ounces. She's really content this morning. Only sneaking off the couch to play for a minute and then heading back over to me for a snuggle. Does this mean your going to GO BACK TO SLEEP I wonder!?

Nope. Not yet.

Instead she waddles around, cute as a button with her Blankie draped around her shoulders. She LOVES blankies. It's really quite adorable watching her waddle around with a blankie over her head. You would think she can't see but she watches her feet and the floor beneath them. It amazes me that she's growing up so quickly. Walking. Trying to run...or just trying not to fall. Blowing kisses. Playing patty cake. Giving bear hugs. Waving hello and goodbye. Drinking from a sippy cup. Eating with a fork or spoon. Climbing up stairs (not so good at going down them). The list goes on...she's becoming a semi-independent toddler. I feel like I just had her. She's still so small.

I was planning on heading to the gym by 7:00 this morning but if Jordyn would GO BACK TO SLEEP I could get there earlier. It's nice having Jamie home in the mornings. I can get a workout in early and still have the rest of the day to be productive. Got to take advantage because he'll be back to work soon I'm sure.

Well...I suppose I'll have some breakfast now too. It's been an hour and she's still holding strong. Although I have noticed the odd wobble, what I would compare to a 'drunken sway'. She's getting tired...which could only mean one thing!

Sole Searching

December 28th, 2011...
...I was so excited to 'beat' ground with Cait outdoors. We haven't had the chance to run outside since the end of September. It was a bit surprising to us I must admit. The cold air makes your breaths sharper, tiring your chest that much faster. Not to mentiom running against the wind hurt our ears, our lungs...sh*t, our ENTIRE body!!! We had started a routine of running at least 4 sometimes 5 days together back in August. It was a great rush of nature and usually brought lots of sunshine!

I remember it being a huge challenge for me physically trying to keep up to her when we first started. Sometimes I even made reference to her being like Jillian Micheals. But the persistence of self accomplishment allowed me to get into the groove and push farther every time we ran. Definitely feeling like I can keep up now (insert winky face).

Today it felt so good to drag myself out of the house and over to the gym before the sun woke up. The run almost always starts easy, especially when I haven't been for a few days or even a week. It's like my body is fully rested and excited to get started. Then about 6 or 7 minutes in I start the 'self talk'. Telling myself only 13 or 14 more minutes and I can walk for a bit. Rest up. Makes me like a 1/4 of the way there. Ugh!!! That's it!!! Then I look at the mile clocker...which reveals a much different story. Still a lot longer than that dear Shanon. I continue to tell myself it 'pays' to keep going...it's rewarding...it's keeping me healthy...active...happy...self aware! But my body retaliates saying...I'm tired...I'm breathing heavier...I'm getting weak! Trying not to cave in to my negative thoughts is hard. Sometimes I continue with my self talk, sometimes I turn the volume up on the iPod and JUST LET GO. Hoping the burning will dissipate and the breaths will get lighter. And to my surprise every time, it does.


As long as I reach my personal goal today I know I will feel GOOD! GREAT! SUCCESSFUL!

I'm by no means a marathon runner...would definitely love to do some 5 or 10k runs this year as a challenge to myself...test my timing...my endurance. That would be fun!

I can't wait to run outside in the warm weather again...feeling the morning sunshine because the afternoon sun usually makes you sweat like a pig. Cait and I tried that once... Bad idea!

Oh and today an uninvited blister added itself to my heel. First one of 2012. Reminder that I have to start somewhere (as I did back in August)...and today it was on the treadmill.